


The Very Hungry Caterpillar

by JesseTheComet



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn, Falsettos - Lapine/Finn (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Trans, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Healthy Relationships, Jason is trans, M/M, Marvin Is A Dick, Slow To Update, Supportive Whizzer, Trans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, What's new, after a bit, deadnames, only for a while, trans Jason
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2019-03-05 18:12:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13393437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JesseTheComet/pseuds/JesseTheComet
Summary: Jason thinks hard for a long moment. He and Whizzer were very similar. They both craved freedom, to express themselves in the way they wanted to. One similarity ran deep; Marvin was keeping them from that.He wonders if his Father will ever stop being a prick.





	1. December, 1977

**Author's Note:**

> I decided I wanted to do a Trans!Jason AU a while back, but didn't start plotting until I ended up doing some sketches. I am weak for Whizzer Brown, so he's in there a lot. Also, I just love Whizzer being a Dad to Jason.
> 
> Hang on, my dudes.

When Jason was young, his mother would read him a story named “The Very Hungry Caterpillar.” It was about a lonely caterpillar transitioning into a butterfly, and it's journey to get there. Looking back at it years later, Jason thought it was very fitting for his life. For his own journey.

Jason entered his childhood home at age 23, back for Hanukkah. It was 1990. He hangs up his coat. “Mom?” He calls out, surveying the living room. “Give me a second, honey!” His mother called out from the kitchen. He laughs under his breath, shuffling over to the small table/cabinet where they kept VHS tapes on the bottom, and pictures on the top. Most were from recent years, but some were from his childhood.

His eyes land on a circular frame. He snorts, remembering Whizzer’s complaints. _Who buys a circle frame? Honestly, no one but me and you have style in this family, Jason._ He had said. It was one of the first times Whizzer had included himself in the word “family.” He picks up the frame, the wood cool in his hands. He looks extremely happy in the picture. His hair was a puff of curls, short. Above his ears. Almost a bowl cut.

He had a tooth gap in the picture, something he fixed when he was about 17. He was wearing a T-Shirt with a large planet on it. He couldn’t tell which one it was. There were stars littered around it. He seemed to be wearing a striped long sleeved shirt underneath the T-shirt. He winces. Great fashion sense, Jason. He has no idea why, or how, Whizzer let him dress like that. Maybe it was because Jason thought he looked good. Maybe it was because Whizzer wanted the best for him.

Jason runs his fingers over the engraving around the curve of the bottom of the frame. Whizzer himself had done it, with a rotary tool. His dad had been so scared, watching every move his lover made. _You’re going to hurt yourself, Whizzer. Seriously, let me do it._ Jason had watched the interaction. Whizzer had only laughed, pulling on his goggles. _I’m a grown man, Marv. I can do this._ Thankfully, the engraving had ended with zero hospital trips. Jason runs his hands over the carefully crafted words. _Jason, A New Man. 1978._ His heart swells. If you were to look closely, small engravings of planets and stars littered the frame, per Jason’s own request. He was such a nerd. Jason laughs to himself. Who was he kidding? He still was.

Jason looks to the side, noticing a very tiny frame hung on the wall. Almost out of sight. It was strung up with a small piece of rope, the edges fraying a bit. It must have been taken at least a few years back, as the picture was yellowed a bit and the object in his picture. Jason still has the circular frame in his hands as he squints over at the photo. It’s of one of his first chest boards. The board is on the table, the box next to it. That damn box.

_March, 1978_

Whizzer was the first one he ever came out to. It was an accident. Jason had been trying to teach Whizzer chess. Once Jason had chosen his name, three months earlier, he had written on the bottom of the box of the chess set. Jason himself was setting the table up, clearing it for the board. He hadn’t thought that Whizzer might see the name. _Jason Freyman_ was written in a thick, black, permanent marker in Jason’s messy handwriting. He heard Whizzer hum from behind him. “Jason. I like it.” Jason’s head whips around. He surveys Whizzer, trying to come up with words. Whizzer is gazing down at the box, at the messy scrawling of Jason’s handwriting.

“I..I..” His high voice cracks.

Whizzer looks up from the box, his gaze steady and firm, yet soft. “Breathe, Jason. It’s okay, you’re okay.” Whizzer brushes it off, both figuratively and literally. “Now, are we going to play some chess?” Jason stares at him for a long moment. Whizzer was not phased at all. The 10 year old feels confusion fill him.

“I..aren’t you mad?” The man across from him looks up from the instructions that came with box, peering up beneath thick eyelashes. Jason briefly thinks that Whizzer’s lucky. He’s so comfortable with himself, he could be so..flamboyant, but so masculine at the same time. No one ever tried to force him into skirts.

“Why would I be mad?” He sounds genuinely curious, perfectly plucked eyebrow raising. He was so..casual. Like the conversation they were having wouldn’t affect Jason’s entire life.

“Jason is..a boy’s name.” Jason says slowly. Whizzer nods just as slowly as Jason does, mirroring his movements almost exactly.

“And? Are you a boy, Jason?” There’s no menace in his voice, just comfort. Support. He doesn’t push after the words have been said, letting the silence fill the room. He’s giving Jason time. After a while, Jason nods curtly. Whizzer gives him a dashing smile.

“Then I think Jason fits you perfectly. Now. Chess!” Whizzer claps his hands together and straightens his back. He takes the box off of the chess board.  Jason beams, beginning to rattle off how to play as he begins to set the pieces.

Two hours later, the two of them are deep in chess. Jason is on auto-pilot, thinking deeply. “Why do you sleep with other men, even though you’re dating my Dad?” Whizzer chokes, coughing loudly.

“What?!” He chokes out. Jason stares at him blankly.

“You heard what I said.” Suddenly, the tables were turned. Jason was now the one in charge, he was the one taking Whizzer by surprise. The Queen had been struck by her most loyal knight. Whizzer sighs, hanging his head.

“Do you want the truth, kid?” Jason nods.

“I’m..scared.” Whizzer confesses, folding his hands in front of him. “Why?” Jason immediately says. He feels like a psychiatrist. Whizzer sighs. “I’ve never felt..for anyone, the way I feel for your Father. It’s terrifying. Your Father is a..difficult..man, to put it lightly.” Whizzer laughs dryly, and Jason nods along with him. “He won’t listen. He..he won’t..give me..freedom. I suppose. He expects people to go into certain boxes."

This is the most serious he's ever seen Whizzer.

"I..find freedom with other people."

Jason thinks hard for a long moment. He and Whizzer were very similar. They both craved freedom, to express themselves in the way they wanted to. One similarity ran deep; Marvin was keeping them from that.

He wonders if his Father will ever stop being a prick.

Whizzer sighs, hands covering his face.

“We don’t know what time will bring.” Jason mutters to himself, trying to comfort Whizzer and himself.

Looking back on it, he thinks that was a very wise sentence for a mere ten year old. Jason moves his King.

Silence fills the room until Jason moves his pawn.

“Checkmate.”

Whizzer peers through his fingers to Jason, a sad smile gracing his lips.


	2. February, 1978

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whizzer is leaving, but gives Jason an early birthday present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aa. Longest chapter yet. Took me a while.
> 
> Feedback? Please?

_February, 1978_

 Jason was absolutely devastated when Whizzer announced he had been kicked out of Marvin’s apartment. He had finally found someone who knew him, _the real him_ , and his Father had to rip it away from him. Once again. His throat tightened.

 Whizzer knelt in front of him. It was February 5th. A week from Jason’s 11th birthday. His jaw clenches as Whizzer holds onto his hand. His mother stands behind him. He stares into Whizzer’s dark brown eyes, the color nearly mirroring his own. Whizzer glances behind him, at his mother. He nearly glares in her direction until his mother gives up and walks away.

 “Jason.” Whizzer’s voice is so soft as he holds onto his hands tight. “Kid, I..” Whizzer stops, choking on his own tears. “Kid, I’m not going to tell you this is going to be easy. Because it won’t.” He shuffles closer, staring Jason in the eyes. “You are the strongest kid I have ever seen. You..you deserve better, Jason.” Jason sobs, small, dull nails digging into Whizzer’s skin.

 Whizzer stares at him, gaze hardening. “Hm. No. This won’t do.” The man stands up. “We’re going to get your birthday present.” Whizzer lets go of Jason’s hands, breathing in deeply as he shouts through the house. “Trina, we’re leaving!”

 His mother comes out of the kitchen, wiping her hands with a dish towel, looking alarmed. “What?! You are taking my daughter nowhere!” Jason fights a hard flinch at the words, instinctively leaning back onto Whizzer, as if the man could shield him from the harmful words.

 “Calm your..” Whizzer brings a hand up, gesturing to Trina’s chest area. “...Anyway.” Jason forces a laugh down. “We’re just going to get hh..” Whizzer glances down at Jason, and he can see the pain, the apology in his eyes. Jason nods swiftly. “..Her birthday present. Listen, you have my phone number, and I’m not going out of town. You can’t lose ‘er.” Whizzer himself flinches at every feminine pronoun, but the words flow off of his tongue seamlessly. Jason thinks that he would have been a wonderful actor if he wanted to be.

 Trina scoffs, hand resting on her hip. She surveys both Jason and Whizzer for a moment, before nodding. “Okay. Don’t run off, Jasmine.” Jason goes rigid, forcing the words out of his throat. “O-of course, Mom. I’ll be careful.” Whizzer gives Trina a small two fingered salute, settling a hand on Jason’s shoulder and leading him out of the house.

 Opening that door felt like he was breathing for the first time. All the tension was expelled from his body. He was _safe._ No one expected him to be something he was not. He was comfortable with Whizzer. He breathes in deep, turning his head and smiling up at Whizzer. Whizzer smiles back down, albeit a bit awkwardly. “I’m sorry, kiddo.” Whizzer says sincerely.

 Jason pats his arm, and walks over to Whizzer’s car. It was old and beaten down, but he knew that Whizzer had nothing else.

The ride is mostly silent, Whizzer humming to himself and Jason bopping his head along. “Okay, now close your eyes.” Jason briefly protests, before Whizzer shuts him down with a small “ah, ah, ah.” He had forgotten he was going to get his birthday present. They stop, and Whizzer hurries out of the car, opening Jason’s door and helping him out. Jason is lead into a door, and the first thing he registers is the smell of lavender with a hint of chemicals underneath it.

 “Whizzer! Are you here for your monthly?” A high male voice calls out, and Jason’s eyebrows shoot up. Whizzer takes his hands off of Jason’s eyes, and the boy blinks a couple of times to register where they were. Chairs lined the walls, a counter in the middle with a lean man behind it. He blinks. They were in a _hair salon._

 Jason had expressed his want to cut his hair many times to Whizzer. He knew he could never do it, as his parents would be devastated. For the time being, he put his hair in a braid and pretended it wasn’t there. But this..this was..

 “Whizzer?” He can’t help but gasp out Whizzer’s name, looking over his shoulder to him. Whizzer is looking down at him with the most fond expression. One that Marvin used to look at him with, years back. Whizzer smiles.

 “Ya ready, Jason?” He asks, in that familiar Boston drawl. “I figured..y’know, since I’m leaving..might as well piss off your parents one more time.” Jason flings his small body into Whizzer’s side, wrapping his arms around his lean waist. Whizzer wheezes a bit, but his hand immediately goes to Jason’s back, rubbing soothingly.

 “You’re getting strong.” Whizzer laughs, voice thick with tears.

 “Thanks, Whizzer.” Jason says sincerely.

 Whizzer pats the top of Jason’s head, turning his attention to the man behind the counter. “Hey, Patrick. Think you can hook Jason up with a new cut?” Patrick gives Whizzer a smile, nodding and gesturing for Jason to follow him while he prepares a chair. Jason looks over at Whizzer hesitantly, and his friend nods at him.

 Jason sits back into a chair, letting his head be put back into a bowl like sink. Patrick pulls out his braid, brushing his long hair with his fingers. He turns on the water, the pressure nice against Jason’s scalp. He feels his eyes close, a hand grabbing his own. A thumb runs over his palm and he knows it’s Whizzer.

 The water is warm as the dirt is washed away from his hair. A shampoo that smells like pine runs through his long hair and is washed out as well. After he’s conditioned, Jason is sat up and some water runs into his ears. He winces, digging it out with his finger. Whizzer tutts, pressing Jason’s hand away.

Jason is led to a chair. His hair is fanned out over his shoulders, and he grimaces. In the mirror, Whizzer adjusts the strap to the messenger bag he had on. Whizzer stares up at the mirror, smiling reassuring Jason with his slightly crooked teeth. And that’s all Jason needs.

 "What are we going for today, my boy?” Patrick asks, and a feeling of confidence and pride runs through Jason. “Um..” He hadn’t really thought it through. “My hairs really curly, but..um..short?” Jason looks up into the mirror to glance at Patrick nervously. Patrick nods, combing Jason’s hair back. “I’ll give you what all the boys have this year.” Jason beams, heart pounding happily.

 Whizzer sits in a chair next to him, making small talk with Jason. “I want to join Little League.” Jason announces as his long hair falls from his shoulders onto the floor. Whizzer stares at him with a dark gaze. It’s not one of pity, like he expected. It’s one of sadness. “You know you’ll have to join the girl’s team, Jason.”

 Jason looks equally sad. “I know. But I love baseball.” Patrick is quiet as he trims up the edges of his curls. It’s above his ears now. He stares lovingly at his reflection. _One step at a time._ He reminds himself. “I know. I love baseball, too.” Patrick begins to blow dry Jason’s hair, and he nearly doesn’t hear what Whizzer says next.

 “I love you, too, Jason.” Jason’s bottom lip quivers and he bursts into tears. He shakes in the chair, Patrick’s hands raking through his hair. It was all too much. He was finally getting something he wanted for so long, and his best friend was leaving him.

 He sees Whizzer stand up through his tears, wiping away Jason’s tears with his thumbs. With gentleness only a father could fathom. “You look so handsome, Jason. Real ladies man.” Whizzer chimes in. Jason leans forward, throwing himself into Whizzer’s torso. He hangs onto him and sobs. Whizzer holds onto him just as tightly. He pats his new short, fluffy hair.

 Jason eventually pulls himself together, sniffling and pulling away. Whizzer pats him once more before going over to pay Patrick. Jason jumps down from the chair, smoothing his hair down and feeling the happiness bubble up in his chest. He runs over to Whizzer and stands by his side. Whizzer gazes down at him with a thoughtful expression.

 Whizzer grabs Jason’s shoulders and turns him so they’re face to face. Face to stomach. “Stay there.” Whizzer takes a few steps back and reaches into his bag and pulling out a polaroid camera. Jason bounces on his feet, straightening his back and beaming at Whizzer. His tongue peeks out as he smiles wide.

 “Perfect, Jason.” Whizzer’s voice shakes as he takes the photo. Jason almost starts to cry again, the happiness in his chest falling and turning heavy with grief. Whizzer takes the edges of the photo and hands it to Jason. “Shake it.” He commands with a small laugh as Jason begins to vigorously shake it. “Yeah, put your back into it!” Jason laughs as the picture fully develops.

 It’s the best picture he’s ever seen of himself. He looks like a _boy._ He praises himself for wearing his Neptune T-Shirt, even though it was barely visible in the photo. Jason looks up at Whizzer and hugs him once again, the picture held against his chest. They stand there for a long time, just holding each other. Jason felt so accepted. With Whizzer’s arms around him, he could feel the fatherly love radiating from the man.

 They get back in Whizzer’s old car, stuttering along. They make up a song, to the tune of _Stayin’ Alive_. He memorizes Whizzer’s phone number by heart using the song. The two sing it back and forth a few times, before they reach Jason’s house. Whizzer pulls to a stop, parking the car on the side of the road and turning to Jason. “You better go, buddy.”

 Jason recites Whizzer’s phone number once more, grabbing his hand and holding it tightly. He’s scared. Everything is changing, and Jason doesn’t know what to do. Whizzer nods, kissing the top of Jason’s short curls. “Your mom is waiting for you. Call me.”

 Jason squeezes his hand once more. For a split moment, he thinks about acting his age. Crying and begging Whizzer to not leave, he could make it better. But Jason knew he couldn’t. His father couldn’t change that quickly. So he leaves the car, tears in his eyes.

 And even when his mother spots him and gasps with a, “ _Jasmine! What happened to your hair?!”_ Jason walks past her and up to his room to grieve.

 

Whizzer pulls out a Sharpie from his pocket, opening the cap with his teeth. He holds the photo of Jason in his hand, writing down the caption in strong, loopy letters.

 

_Jason, A New Man. 1978._


End file.
